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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a slut during the holidays? A Mistlehoe."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker? 30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke."
"The inventor of the air conditioner has died Thousands of fans are attending his funeral"
"""Doc,"" I said, ""every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What's the matter with me?"" ""That's easy,"" he said. ""You're exhausted."""
"The Fat Girl's Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse: If you see me running & there's no ice cream truck in front of me..you should run too."
"My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle."
"Shops. One time I was masturbating to a playboy magazine, girls were hot, the whole 9 years. But when I saw the front page I realized it was an american girl doll magazine."
"'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it."
"Just got a $14 haircut at Great Clips because I'm worth it goddamnit."
"How does a Jew calculate his escape path? Wind velocity times chimney height."