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Joke of the Day
"My doctor says I have oppositional-defiant disorder. But he's wrong, so fuck him!"
Next Joke
"I charged my phone, but I didn't have enough evidence to indict, so I had to let it go."
"What do you feed someone in a coma from breakfast? Coma-toast."
"*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* ""Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."""
"Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court."
"What did the guy who got fired for always being late say? It was just a matter of time."
"Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!"
"Can someone's face be a pet peeve?"
"Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains."
"How does a psychic open a bag of chips? They Tarot."