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Joke of the Day

"If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn't make me excited, pull the plug."

"Me (to 7): Son, we... Wife (in earpiece): have to talk M: Have to talk W: about girls M: About grills W: NO M: NO W: IDIOT M: IDIOT"

"Can we get a tagging system for jokes? Like [OL] for one-liners, [S] for story, etc.."

"Why do elephants drink so much? To forget"

"Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie."

"The memory on my phone is FIFA'ed Sorry.....Corrupt."

"If that's his reaction to spinach, Popeye should never try cocaine."

"Hard to believe it's 2017 I'm still writing ""this is a nightmare fuck everything omg"" on my checks."

"Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course."

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding... He's not happy about it either..."