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Joke of the Day

"Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course."

"How do you know if an Asian has been to your house? Your math homework's done, your computer is upgraded, and that little twat is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"Sometimes I'll casually say ""what else do you want?"" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me."

"One man's whore is another man's whore."

"If his selfie doesn't make you kegal, you're just not that into him."

"What did one snail say to the other snail? It...all...happened...soooooooo...fast"

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Trailer Trash Barbie ...complete with double wide trailer home"

"Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!"

"What do you call an illegal wristwatch trade? A wrist-ky buisness."

"The problem with seducing someone via text, is you sometimes end up wrapping your warm moth, or mother around his troubling clock"