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Joke of the Day

"I played Two Steps From Hell to my cat, and she became a lion. I played it to my son, he's still a disappointment."

"yo momma so fat the back of her neck is like a pack of hot dogs"

"What's green and comes out of your nose at 160mph? A lambo-greenie!"

"How much time did you spend on your hair before you took a selfie of your boobs?"

"Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life"

"My son can only see in shades of beige, Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness."

"I can tell so much about a person just by guessing."

"A friend of mine once said all bars and clubs are haunted... It must be because of all the spirits"

"Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury Don't worry I'll be fine"

"[on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* ""May I help you, sir?"" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme..."