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Joke of the Day

"[on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* ""May I help you, sir?"" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme..."

"A Cuban, a Canadian, and a homophobic walk into a bar The bartender says, ""What'll it be, Senator Cruz?"""

"I had planned to post a tennis joke But after asking around I figured you guys wouldn't luv it."

"A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks ""Do you have a previous criminal history?"" The visitor replies ""I didn't realize that was still a requirement"""

"You wouldn't know her. She goes to a different Internet"

"Just read an amazing book called ""Zero Gravity"" I couldn't put it down!"

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right"

"Me and my girlfriend were on a cruise, listening to Bob Marley. She said he was Upboat."

"The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake..."

"What does the H stand for in Jesus H Christ? [Lame Joke] Haploid"