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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands? Having half a screaming child on your hands."

"What do you do if you're drunk and you run into your ex wife? Reverse to make sure."

"I'm naming my kid Johncena Because he was unexpected"

"Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art."

"[math teacher] your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you got them all correct [later at home] I think she's on to us, mathmachicken"

"Who likes a good baseball joke? How can you tell if a catcher has the shits? The pitcher got some on his balls. ;p"

"That's a nice ham you got there... It'd be a shame if you put an 's' in front and an 'e' at the end of it."

"[on phone to gf] her: ""you never understand me anymore so.."" me: ""so what?"" her: ""we're breaking up"" me: ""i can hear you fine"""

"[Microsoft Outlook developer meeting] ""we need to tell users when their inbox is full"" how do we do that? ""we send them another email"" nice"

"What is Jesus' favorite workout? Crossfitting"