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Joke of the Day

"A programmer's wife sends him to the store for a loaf of bread. On his way out she adds, ""and if they have eggs, get a dozen"". He returns home with 12 loaves of bread."

"I slept with a girl who was so fat I had to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot"

"What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!"

"What do you get from a Hebrew genie? A coupon for 10% off three Jewishes"

"How does a cricket know if his joke has bombed?"

"You literally misuse the word ""literally"" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally."

"Why did my family serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap for Christmas breakfast? Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"Q: Did you hear about the imaginary tree? A: It was mapleleaf."

"Tried to catch fog the other day... Mist"

"I don't understand the trend of Chinese restaurants with ""NO MSG!"" signs. Why would I eat somewhere that I can't send texts?"