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Joke of the Day

"We are never going to defeat the Decepticons, they are too good. I mean Bumblebee can't even talk! ~Pessimist Prime."

"giving birth and cutting of your fingers are alike alot it hurts like hell and you wont really look the same afterwards. the only difference is that stupid people have to stop after 10 fingers"

"What is the collective noun for children? A migraine."

"I was told that at birth I had a choice between perfect memory or a big penis. ""I fucking remember"" i replied"

"Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die? Because deep down they're all actually good people."

"Jesus wrote a play about a tornado. It was an Act of God."

"Did you hear about the new viking movie staring the guy who played Han Solo? It's called Harrison's Fjord"

"White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed."

"What do scientists and vegetables have in common? Stephen Hawking"

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"