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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the new viking movie staring the guy who played Han Solo? It's called Harrison's Fjord"

"My friends think I should stop telling jokes because my punchlines are always shit. Shit."

"I like watching horror films behind the sofa. That way my neighbours don't know I'm there."

"I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. ""That's total bollocks"" I replied, by text, from across the road."

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"You could introduce a raccoon to a walrus as ""my Grandpa Steven,"" and neither would bat an eye. THAT'S WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT ANIMALS."

"There are 2 LOSERS who hang out at the same sidewalk corner everyday... The taller LOSER says to the other ""Hey man, have you seen my keys?"". The other LOSER replies, ""No, have you seen my wallet?""."

"The 15YO turns 16 today. Getting him a cake in the shape of a massive increase in our auto insurance premiums."

"Shout out to all my people with split personality disorder You know who you are"

"How much does a dead elephant weigh? A skele**ton**."