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Joke of the Day

"White smoke is coming out of my neighbor's house. He either elected a new Pope or he's got some good weed."

"Becoming a vegan ...was a big missed steak"

"I'm dreading summer because I'll be subjected to my Facebook friends' pictures of the temperature readout from inside their vehicles."

"My coffee shop in Tokyo hasn't had many customers in the last couple of months... It's ok now though, people are starting to drift in."

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates, they'll kill your dog."

"I can't believe I lost my candidacy for mayor of my hometown I kissed so many hands and shook so many babies."

"Someone just told me to ""have a blessed day."" What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them."

"I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial."

"How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer? With dog diskettes!"

"The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn't, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles"