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Joke of the Day

"""do you know why I pulled one over on you?"" becau- wait what? ""I'm not a real cop lol"" haha nice! *pulls gun* ""I am taking your car though"""

"Try this at the bars, guaranteed 18% success rate: You: Do you have a permit to carry that? Her: Carry what? You: DAT ASS! Then issue a citation with your phone # on it."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb has to do the changing."

"How are farts and Ancient Egypt similar? They both have a Tutankhamun."

"A dan walked into a barr. And Roseanne said watch where you are going!"

"Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is ""married.""nLike that's gonna stop me!"

"I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees... But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf."

"Fact: If you sneak away to fart loudly in private and get caught by some innocent person walking by, you have to now hate that person."

"I'm not lazy I chose to use my creative genius on mastering efficiency"

"There is a big difference between ""friends"" and ""Facebook friends"""