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Joke of the Day

"A horse walks into a bar... ""Why the long face?"" asks the bartender... The horse replies, ""I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."""

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"I told my comrades that the commissar is an idiot. I got 31 years gulag... 1 year for insulting a political officer, 30 years for revealing a state secret"
"They're not called grammar nazis anymore. They're the Alt-Write."
"You might be from Mexico but I'm sure I've eaten more Mexican food than you."
"Call me a little softy... But I'd rather you call me a man with a small penis and a flagging erection."
"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell"
"The other day I was scraping leftovers into the garbage... ...and I couldn't help but think of those poor kids in Africa who don't have any garbage bins."
"Everyone sings ""Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?..."
"Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein."
"Why did the zombie not eat your brain? Because he doesn't eat junk food."