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Joke of the Day

"Call me a little softy... But I'd rather you call me a man with a small penis and a flagging erection."

"Star Wars Episode VII is like a used car lot. (spoilers) It's where you can see an old Hyundai"

"What was the first reference to pole vaulting in the Bible? When Jesus cleared the temple."

"Did you hear about the neckbeards that raped the killer clown? They did it, Reddit."

"I want to be cremated... So I can finally have a smoking hot body!!"

"[first date] girl: I bet you're really cute under those glasses [removes frames/is instantly obliterated by Cyclops' optic blast]"

"How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?"

"What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground? I dunno, I just fly the drone."

"What do you do to a chemist after they're dead? you barium"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the squirrels that it can be done."