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Joke of the Day

"Call me a little softy... But I'd rather you call me a man with a small penis and a flagging erection."

"I like my beer like I enjoy my violence. Domestic."

"My corn tortillas want me to like them on Facebook. Fuck the future."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To say hello to the other side."

"What do you call a coffee shop where drug deals go down? The trappe!"

"I think I might have a shower. *checks* Yes, I have a shower."

"Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat."

"If you were a dinosaur what would you be? Dead"

"My niece was in the hospital getting treatment for leukemia. She asked me if I'd visit her when she got out. I said ""Nah, I really hate cemeteries."""

"What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A naked blonde doing cartwheels."