175846

Joke of the Day

"My neighbour is in the Guinness book of world records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone's throw away, in fact."

"Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming."

"why do birds sudenly appear every time you are near and how do u always manage to fit that many birds in ur mouth to begin with"

"What do you do to a dog that doesn't obey your commands? You kill it."

"Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread."

"most cutting thing you can say is ""who's this clown?"" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns"

"My wife woke me up all excited this morning... She said honey look at all the pounds I've lost. I told her that she was looking at our retirement account not her fitbit."

"Professional women's soccer is so boring. Why am I even jerking off to this?"

"I bet vampires just walk around saying how different things were in back the old days."

"What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment!!!!"