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Joke of the Day

"I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby on the bus today... And the lady beside me started freaking out. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best time for a wank."

"Hand a baby a fork and he looks like a young Poseidon."

"Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back."

"Why is Santa always jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm."

"HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again."

"What is Shrek's favorite book? Don-key xote"

"When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another. Because kids."

"The other day someone asked me what the capital of greece was.... My answer of ""i dont know, about ten dollars?"" was not acceptable."

"You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list."