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Joke of the Day

"I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby on the bus today... And the lady beside me started freaking out. In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best time for a wank."

"What do boats and fourier transforms have in common? Both sinc when rect."

"Remember before the smartphone when you had to take your laptop into the bathroom with you? God, it's like we were cavemen."

"Jesus christ, guys! Can we stop arguing about politics for ONE second and change subject to something more lighthearted? So what are your guys' thoughts on abortion?"

"Putin denies Russian naval exercises in Finnish waters, claims that sonar readings ""were misinterpreted"". Whoops, wrong sub."

"Oh we're halfway there Oh oh running from a bear I pushed you down Accidentally I swear Oh oh eaten by a bear You were eaten by a bear"

"""Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!"" - my neighbor"

"What's invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey farts."

"Do you know what the last result of the World Cup was? Spain - 8 Ethiopia - didn't"

"At School: What Does It Give You? ""Kids, what does the chicken give you?"" ""Meat!"" ""Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"" ""Bacon!"" ""Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"" ""Homework!"""