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Joke of the Day

"""Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!"" - my neighbor"

"What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic."

"What did they serve for lunch at Jurassic Park? Chilean Sea Bass. Spared no expense. Didn't you watch the movie?"

"Damn girl, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple... And if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in the hospital every day"

"Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now."

"Chuck Norris was orginally casted as the main character for salt but then they changed it to Angelia Jolie, look at her face now."

"Can you believe my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning?! 2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums..."

"Did you hear about that new film on the B-17 aircraft? It bombed"

"My dear, departed animal companion. Although no longer with me, your name is now immortalised as part of a password I use on many websites."

"Mickey Mouse hangs himself... He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation."