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Joke of the Day
"I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you."
Next Joke
"What do you call a 2D fairy? Pixie-lated"
"Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat."
"Kinda scared for 2015 .. Kinda scared for 2015 because 2+0+1+5 is 8. The exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 6 more nipples."
"A super villain gently petting a carpet sample instead of a cat."
"Why did the kittens turn atheist? Coz their eyes opened."
"I'm really glad the Revolution happened in the 1770s. If it happened this decade we'd all just sign a petition saying we hate the King"
"I failed my driver's test. The instructor asked me ""What do you do at a red light? I said ""I usually see what people are up to on twitter."
"People who say they're 'living in the moment' must be hitting the refresh button like a motherfucker."
"I hate when I meet a beautiful woman and have to leave bc someone who beat me in a rap battle is walking my way"