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Joke of the Day

"In the beginning God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then neither God nor Man has rested."

"Not sure if my bed is calling me or if its the girl I left handcuffed all day"

"There are three types of people in this world... those who can count, and those who can't."

"During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel."

"When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked."

"I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat."

"Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas? Because he was on the nautilust."

"My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said ""yeah it's pretty straightforward"""

"So my dad gathered all of us kids together and said ""Now I'm only going to say this once!"" .... then turned and walked away."

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.'"