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Joke of the Day

"When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked."

"What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool? Cinco."

"[date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think"

"I'm no Peyton Manwich, but I'm not afraid of putting a little sports juice on my hands, bending over and hutting the ball to myself"

"Darling, what are you thinking about right now? If I would want you to know, I would say it not think about it."

"I'll have you know, I've been sober for just over 100 days. Not like, in a row or anything...just in general."

"Doctors don't usually get paid for circumcisions... But if they do, all they get are tips."

"How frustrating would it be if you turned into a zombie before you had a chance to put your dentures in?"

"What do Germans and acetone have in common? They are both good at removing the Polish!"

"I like my jokes how I like my babies. Stolen and beaten to death."