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Joke of the Day

"My momma always said life is like a load of laundry. Sometimes you gotta separate the colors from the whites."

"*being wrestled away from mall santa by security* u hav TWO WEEKS until deadline and ur out here doing PHOTO OPS?! WHOS DOINGE THE REAL WORK"

"If I ever lost my phone I'd rather just start a new life in another city."

"How I pissed off my girlfriend during sex. I called her."

"What did the sick fish say when he got sick? ""I've cod a cold."""

"2016 jokes Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer....and my alarm clock is the police."

"Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: *cries* Dr: Um, are you sexually- Me: *cries harder* Dr: .....Ok. Do you drink? Me: YES I BLOODY DRINK"

"I like short jokes."

"""What you don't know won't hurt you."" Oh, yeah good logic. Unless what I ""don't know"" about is the man waiting for me in the parking lot."

"parents just reaming ms frizzle out at a pta meeting. ""you took our kids to god damn outer space. we didnt even have to sign a form"""