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Joke of the Day
"What do you call the drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless."
Next Joke
"How big is the US-Mexico border wall going to be? It's gonna be YUGE!!!"
"Helen Keller walks into a bar... Then a table, then a chair."
"What do you call a building that falls in love with its architect? Edifice Rex"
"Responding to every question with ""deez nuts"" has alienated everyone close to me, but it has been worth it"
"Me: Good night, moon. [30 mins later] Moon: I thought you went to bed. I saw you favorite that tweet. Why aren't you reading my messages?"
"Inspired by a recent ELI5: ""Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres"", I present this oldie... Q: What comes in quarts? . . A: Elephants"
"What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic? ""You're dead to me."""
"If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys, I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does."
"Finally came up with my new years resolution. I'm going to stop procrastinating!"