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Joke of the Day

"Walking around cemeteries looking at headstones is a great way to come up with baby names."

"A man goes to a prostitute and later he finds out he has crabs. When he goes back to complain, the prostitute says ""It was only five dollars, what did you expect, lobster?"""

"What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden? Rudolph's red hose rain gear..."

"How did Helen Keller's mother punish her? She left a plunger in the toilet"

"Which pool ball do guys most commonly stick up their ass? The cue ball so they don't have to buy a whole set when it gets stuck Edit: It doesn't matter because you can buy individual billiards balls"

"[to other patients in psychiatrist's waiting room] I'm not like you people. This is court mandated."

"Yo mama is so fat.. When she goes to McDonalds and order 20 Burgers , 30 fries and 100 pieces of nuggets, they still ask her . ""Having here or take away? ""."

"The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad."

"Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied."

"Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans."