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Joke of the Day

"My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars."

"4 out of 5 people say Han shot first He actually shot 5th"

"Women Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad"

"A man finishes a tube of chapstick... ...just kidding."

"My phone just autocorrected mornin to Mormon and now it won't stop making macaroni pictures and having sex with multiple phone wives."

"I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20."

"Did you know what 6.9 is? its a good thing screwed up by a period"

"Did you know Donald Trump has a different hairpiece for each occasion? He even has toupe for sex."

"What does MSG stand for? Mandarin Service Guaranteed."

"I dont care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around."