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Joke of the Day

"I may not know much about a lot of things, but this fact I'm sure of: A smoke detector battery will never go dead during the day."

"One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands."

"I got into a fight over this stupid dress. It got heated my friend punched me and know I have a big white and gold mark on my eye."

"I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber ""That's disgusting"" I said, ""I'm meant to be eating that tonight, now it's going to taste like salad."""

"Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY ""No thanks, I'll eat something else."""

"How many feminists does it take screw in a lightbulb? One she holds it in the socket and waited for the world to revolve around her."

"I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore... I'm moving the fridge to my room."

"What did airport security tell the Dentist? We need to give you a cavity search"

"I enrolled to online Private Investigator Course but they are not answering... I'm not sure if they just ignoring me or this is my first case..."

"Why is 12 the highest number rednecks can count to? How else would they know how many cans are in a 12 pack."