197460

Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take screw in a lightbulb? One she holds it in the socket and waited for the world to revolve around her."

"If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say ""Matt?"" My name will always be Matt."

"Being a mom means saying things that shouldn't be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, ""EAT YOUR CEREAL!"" for example."

"The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: ""Well..."" Suspended sentence"

"There are two types of people in this world: 1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once 2)Liars"

"The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors."

"Doctor Doctor with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep. Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off!"

"Having sex with a waitress sucks. She only takes the tip."

"[angrily holding cookie under milk for way too long] Yo whatcha doin bro? [looks him dead in the eye] practicing for you"

"My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn't move."