175190

Joke of the Day

"I have an EpiPen I don't need it but I always keep it for sentimental value. A friend of mines gave it to me as he was dying, I don't know why but it seemed very important to him I had it."

"Why do I need a wingman? How's a half-man half-bird freak gonna get me laid?"

"Wow, you're a Sagittarius?? That must mean you're trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes"

"Confidence should never be confused with arrogance. Arrogance is spelled way differently."

"What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition? A navi-gator!"

"What did the cake say to the fat kid I am nutritious"

"What would you call a terrible piece of gold? Absolutely Auful!"

"My favorite Spice Girl was Coriander Connie. (She was crushed by a falling air conditioner before their first album came out)"

"I found out I'm a necrophiliac. How, you ask? I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff."

"Alpha Kenny Wun Write that ""name"" down and ask someone you know to read it out loud during class."