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Joke of the Day

"*holds up 2 ties* which one, I have a big meeting today ""both are nice"" [wife calls later] ""how'd it go"" well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster"

"My friend texted saying she was threatened by an organization. ""And their name was"" ""ISIS"" ""Calm down! Is who?"""

"An acquaintance of mine said that when she feels down she puts on a skirt that's too short, and it helps. Coincidentally, her wearing a skirt that's too short also helps me when I'm down."

"I know why my name is Cameron. Father: You know why I named you Cameron? Me:Why Father: cause I came ron"

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Not 6. My basement is still dark."

"Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime."

"I have 7,777 followers. Shouldn't coins be coming out of my computer or something? #gyp"

"Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts."

"Hey, companies. No one has their confirmation number. You're the company, you do the work."

"I heard women in this country only get 78 for every dollar a man earns... On the bright side, we get to keep 22"