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Joke of the Day

"""she's too good for him"" ""he doesn't deserve her"" ""she should be with me"" ""I need a good girl like that"" --me looking at other people's dogs"

"Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties? Because you should never drink and derive."

"Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses."

"My brother is so dumb. He was complaining about jockeys squeezing his balls. I told him to try boxers. He came back and said, no their hands are too rough."

"If I've learned one thing from watching horror movies, it's if you buy snacks from vending machines, you will die."

"What do you call a mexican with two dads? No mames!"

"Wine - you're gonna sleep good Beer - you're probably going to hit on your cousin. Whiskey - everyone will see your genitals."

"(Offensive joke) What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven? 2 large planes"

"I have a cast iron fetish I guess you could say I'm pansexual"

"For me sex is like a game Single player"