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Joke of the Day

"FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything."

"I used to think air was free.. Until I bought a bag of chips."

"Did you hear the one about the procrastinator?"

"Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know"

"How does a Gorilla become another animal? When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!"

"What's the difference between a sperm bank and an regular bank? When you start to make deposits at the sperm bank, you loose interest"

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. And one was As-salted."

"Sorry I yelled: BLESS YOU and handed you a tissue after you told me you loved me Blow your nose, it will pass"

"Can someone tell me a music joke? I've been trying to think of one myself, but that sort of thing really isn't my forte."

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"