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Joke of the Day

"Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts."

"Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff? A: She is my daughter. Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13 1979?"

"I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces"

"I'd love to date one of our moderators. Every joke is long to them."

"Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story? Because they called it garbage."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry Potter came out of the Chamber alive."

"I can't argue with your love for bananas They have a peel..."

"Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*"

"What's the difference between shame and pride? It depends on where I draw the line."

"Who is responsible for a planes rough landing? It's not the passengers fault, it's the not the flight attendants fault, it's the asphalt."