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Joke of the Day

"What does a man with a tiny penis have for breakfast? Well this morning I had a PopTart, 2 eggs and a glass of orange juice."

"I was really bad in my school band. So bad they kicked me out and put me on the registered sax offenders list."

"Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"If you type in ""google"" in google search, it shows you pictures of your grandkids"

"Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead"

"When you start trying to pick out names for a baby, you realize how many jerks you know with different names."

"The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow."

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."

"Non-tweeting friend: ""So it's like FB?"" Me: ""Except everyone's mean & sarcastic & brutally honest."" ""Sounds awf..."" ""Awesome. I know."""

"Which country has the cheapest prostitutes? Vietnam. Because over there you need 20840 dongs to make a dollar."