110963

Joke of the Day

"Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"I'm going to start a band called Control Z We will play our songs, but start over half way through it."

"Nothing annoys me more than when I'm talking to someone about music and for some reason they think their opinion is as valid as mine."

"Like arguing with a forest fire."

"What do you get when you combine Helium, Yttrium, Selenium, and Xenon? **HeYSeXe**"

"When Moses came down with the Commandments, It was the greatest Retweet in History."

"Last night I lay in bed ...looking up at the beautiful stars shining in the night sky. And I thought to myself... Where the heck is the ceiling?!?"

"I respect the moon, it controls two of our most precious elements, oceans and wolves."

"What do you call a brain dead Swede? A vegetable.."

"My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I'm the racecar, sometimes I'm the iron. But usually I'm a peanut because I've lost all the game pieces."