174218
Joke of the Day
"I'm socially constipated... I haven't given a shit in years"
Next Joke
"If it's any consolation, Jim Morrison, Biggie Smalls, and Jesus would all have died from natural causes by now."
"A baby of few hours old is third in line for the highest title in the UK."
"Kid: Are you the babysitter? Sting: Yes. Every breath you take. Every step you take. I'll be watching you. It'll be fun! Kid: *horrified*"
"""Two parents that will never give you their love and approval!"" -sad Buzzfeed post"
"How does a chef ask to leave the dinner table? He says, ""Gourmet I be excused?"""
"Before I go to the airport I'm going to swallow a Hot Wheels car & an action figure. Then when they scan me I'm going to act like Godzilla."
"I replace all the family pictures my coworkers have on their desks with pictures of baby sloths and suddenly I need professional help?!?"
"What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...? Turkey"
"Why do so many girls do archaeology degrees? Because they love digging up the past."