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Joke of the Day

"""son, I've had to throw my golf socks out"" ""Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA"" ""No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"""

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuckup cunts"

"*Air horn sound* *Second airhorn sound* Me: ""Well this clearly isn't deodorant."""

"Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions."

"The reason that I'm not a superstitious person... ...I think that if you believe in superstition that it'll only bring you bad luck."

"Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die"

"What does a lumberjack and a trio of Irishmen have in common? They're both tree fellers."

"A seal walks into a bar... And the bartender says ""what will it be?"" The seal replies ""I'm fine with anything as long as it's not Canadian club."""

"What do you call a surfer who loves Muhammad? A radicalized Muslim braaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago."