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Joke of the Day

"I'm like the packaging on a CD really hard to get off but it doesn't matter because no one wants you anymore"

"I live off my music and the pain it inflicts on others."

"Some insults are deeply sexist... ""You fatherfucking daughter of a dog."""

"What did the constipated math teacher do? Worked it out with a pencil."

"If you refuse to take a nap... Are you resisting a rest?"

"""What are you doing here?"" I just got fired from the circus ""Oh my"" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond"

"I texted my girlfriend ""I love you"" and she texted back ""I love you more. When I went to respond I made a typo and sent ""I love you moist""....I figured why correct it, it's true too."

"Contrary to popular belief, you actually CAN drink lava but only once"

"The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world."

"DATE: *takes a sip of her water* ME: haha ok wow can you tone down the pda you're behaving very erotically"