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Joke of the Day

"Why did the reddit mod cross the road? [removed]"

"I like to sneak into people's houses and masturbate in their livingroom. ...so far no ones heard me cumming."

"Oscar Pistorius was released from jail into his uncles custody I heard his uncles shitting himself, safer than using the toilet"

"My neighbour came back home drunk and has been knocking at his door for over 3hours now. But he stays alone, should i go and tell him that he is not around?"

"What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!"

"there has been like five kardashian birthdays in the last two months wow i actually can't keep up with the kardashians"

"A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded. What in the hell do they put in butterflys?"

"I'm pretty sick right now. You could say I'm feeling like Charles Lindbergh... Because I got the flu"

"take me down to the paraphrase city where it's nice"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but only if the lightbulb really *wants* to change."