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Joke of the Day

"I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife ""you said you wanted the biggest one right"" Because I'm a great husband"

"If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors... Then I feel really bad for the boys of the ""Dickinson"" family tree."

"""Kids are picking on me, Mom"" I'll teach you how to fight, son. ""Yes!"" [Mom spreads rumors about son and ignores him for 3 days]"

"I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels...boy was I wrong"

"I guess we're all just lucky that Dennis the Menace's first name wasn't Carsonist."

"A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable."

"What do you feed an autistic donkey? Ass burgers"

"What they're actually saying is ""I can't even [finish this sentence due to the complexities of being a white girl on the existential level]"""

"It's sad that they drain power from so many horses to make car engines run."

"So PSY's song ""Dear American"" includes the lyric ""Kill them all slowly and painfully"" and now I understand what Gangnam Style was all about."