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Joke of the Day

"I caught someone stalking me so I stalked them right back. It got awkward sitting in the same tree staring at each other."

"Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"Shoutout to sidewalks! For keeping me off the streets..."

"Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers."

"David Bowie died at 69, Alan Rickman died at 69... ... Donald Trump is 69. We are all crossing our fingers."

"slowly adding more and more lead to your meals until you're immune to bullets"

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a case of beer? He's okay. It was light beer."

"Do you guys dance in the shower too? Today I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)"

"What kind of Pokemon hides in the bushes outside of delis? Peek-a-Jew"

"I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with my back. I'm not sure yet, but I have a hunch."