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Joke of the Day

"""Dumb as a bag of hammers"" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once."

"worst day of my life, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant..... and I found out Wal-Mart doesn't sell metal coat hangers anymore."

"Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho."

"Why can't zombies play the blues? Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it."

"What's the best part about taking advice from r/relationships ? You'll never have to worry about being in a long-term relationship."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes engage in group sex? Too many thank you notes to write afterwards."

"Q: Why was the blood donation unsuccessful? A: Because it was all in vein."

"First Date: ""So, tell me something no one else knows about you."" Well, my wife thinks I'm at the movies and you think I'm single."

"Crazy ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog"

"This tag on my panties has been tickling my ass all morning, I was gonna cut it off but I'm lonely"