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Joke of the Day

"worst day of my life, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant..... and I found out Wal-Mart doesn't sell metal coat hangers anymore."

"I bought a Cosmo magazine that said ""Best Sex Ever!"" All I got was a bunch of papercuts."

"[NSFW] What is the best thing about gaffer tape ? It turns ""no, no, no"" into ""mmm, mmm, mmm"""

"The US Defense budget is 40x bigger than NASA's. It's surprising we actually went to the moon instead of blowing it up."

"You shouldn't make racist jokes about Asians who cant drive when its raining Its a slippery slope"

"[LPT] When cleaning a messy room start with your bed, you will have a better sense of accomplishment when you eventually give up and sob uncontrollably."

"Whenever I see a whirlpool, I scream, ""Help! That tornado can't swim!"""

"I ate an apple and jerked off with the core in my ass But not in that order"

"[oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*"

"My wife is like a grape She lets out a little whine."