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Joke of the Day
"...Maybe it should be called 'Dancing Without The Stars.'"
Next Joke
"When the cleaning lady say's ""Have a good night"", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our ""You too"" response in harmony."
"Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday? Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!"
"Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory? He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated."
"the best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them."
"What are the 5 most terrifying word in the english language? ""Five more years of Cameron"""
"I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go."
"An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty... ... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
"Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen."
"I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom"