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Joke of the Day

"You must be radiating feminine mystique because every man in the cafe is looking at you, and then you realize there's a TV over your head."

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"Police: where were you between 5 and 6? Me: Kindergarten"
"If you're white, you should always get to go ahead first instead of the blacks. Is one of the first rules of chess."
"A public restroom I was in had a sign that said ""Flush toilet paper only"" and I just thought Well, shit"
"I used to be really scared about marriage... In fact, I hear 50% of all marriages end up lasting Forever!"
"What do you call bears with no ears? B"
"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"
"What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late."
"The Indian version of ""How I Met Your Mother""is just a single episode called ""I Met Her At Our Wedding""."
"My wifes hair is so sexy, Its 50 shades of grey."