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Joke of the Day

"*leads wife into bedroom where rose petals on comforter spell out ""NO, YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE"""

"pool party at my house, bring ur own pool"

"I'm Scottish and my son is marrying a Jewish girl. I'm afraid their kids will leave me penniless."

"Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related."

"Why doesn't Hitler play table tennis? Because he's dead."

"I wouldn't say I never exercise... Occasionally, my nose runs."

"Some young boy just knocked on my door saying ""I am collecting for the local swimming pool."" So I gave him a glass of water"

"What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's."

"What's concurrency? Fake money they use in prisons."

"You know what's the difference between a housewife and a politician? The housewife thinks about doing her taxes while having sex. The politician thinks about having sex while spending your taxes."