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Joke of the Day

"My Siamese twin told me a hilarious joke earlier. I almost pissed himself"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Ground up and in a can."

"The Earth gets a day, Sharks get a week. That sounds about right."

"My new book about doing your own hair color is a total flop. I haven't sold one copy of A Guide to Dying Alone"

"It took me 13 years but I finally deleted most of my e-mails."

"""Hey! check out my new ink"" *removes shirt, stands naked* ""Dude!, I don't see anything"" ""It's invisible ink"""

"Hey Mom, I hate tomato soup... Mom: Shut up, you only have it once a month!"

"TIFU by being King of the jungle. Lololol I am Lion"

"Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!"

"""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" ""Dude."" - crickets (translated)"