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Joke of the Day

"Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related."

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Grab onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

"Didn't know true sadness until I accidentally pressed a button on my iPhone camera and saw my face from 2 inches away."

"What piece of bedding can also be known as a Mexican blanket? the underlay! underlay!"

"Self-defecating humor..... ...are just shitty jokes about yourself."

"I want to write a tweet that is so offensive that it reduces my followers to zero."

"5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole."

"i can't fall asleep with all these people honking at me. go around!"

"Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!"

"[turns to guy at next urinal] ""When the Little Mermaid became human how did she know how to use a toilet? BIG-TIME plot hole in my opinion"""