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Joke of the Day

"My mom says I look just like my father. It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It's their job to help people find their way in dark places! (MASH s1 ep7)"

"Why do you duct tape guinea pigs? So they don't burst when you fuck them"

"Knock Knock* Who's there? Me open up."

"Hush little laptop dont you cry mommas gonna find you another wifi."

"Tonight the 3-year-old asked: ""How did God make Himself?"" I have to remember to start getting high before bedtime."

"Hunters should always know what's behind their target Behind mine is a Sam's Club and a Starbucks"

"I tried to make belt out of watches... ...but it was just a waist of time."

"JOCKEY: ""Watch me whip"" HORSE: ""Watch me neigh neigh"""

"Theft solution: Tits. Nobody is thinking about larceny when they're looking at tits. So ladies, help stop crime... show us your tits."