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Joke of the Day

"My mom says I look just like my father. It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman."

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"Roses are red, violets are blue...valentine's crap is over now don't you have some ironing to do"
"I guess I'm getting old. Now when I hear ""Pour Some Sugar On Me"" I think of 2 things. Who's cleaning it up and I hope we don't get ants."
"What do you call a homosexual weight lifter? Trap Queen"
"I should probably never be a mom considering I'd rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone"
"if a woman tells me she just wants be friends I say ok but I get to be rachel"
"Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times."
"My family crest is just a photo of someone letting it go to voicemail."
"After exercising and eating right all week on Saturday I'm like the Kool-Aid man running into Chipotle."
"""Hey Russell, You Want to Win Another Super Bowl?"" Wilson: ""Nah, I'll pass."" Just saw this on Facebook."
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