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Joke of the Day

"If your social security number was your cell phone number... what would your number be?"

"What do soy beans and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes!"

"I'd be less introverted if the conversations in my head weren't better than the conversations I have with other people."

"My girlfriend used to do flashy shows on a chair for me. It was electrical."

"You can't get AIDS from a toilet seat unless you sit down before the other guy gets up"

"Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn't come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn't a gift"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I will tell you later. SOURCE: Heard it on the subway"

"A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement""."

"I like my women like I like my books. With big Titles."

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense"