173587

Joke of the Day

"According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of ""The Apprentice."""

"Jesus take the wheel Carlos you take the stereo and I got lookout!"

"I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him."

"I hate shopping. No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!"

"What do you call two marry-go-rounds having sex? I don't know, i'm just fucking around."

"I tried gay phone sex last night, but I'm not sure I'm doing it right. I was the giver and it was the receiver."

"What did the Ocean say to the Beach? Nothing, it just waved... Thank you, than you.... I'm here all week"

"An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape... I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons"

"What do you call two crows? Attempted murder"

"I like telling this to my tall friends ""You know, I really look up to you. Literally."""