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Joke of the Day

"""And He was buried and He rose again on the third day and on the fourth day He bought a shitload of Peeps for half price."" 1 Walgreens 15:4"

"What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes? He was just a nerdy digger."

"We're pregnant? Why stop there couples? Why not we're constipated? Or we're on our period? Or we're disgustingly phony in public together?"

"Does anyone need a vacuum cleaner? I have one here, it's just collecting dust."

"Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their LSD dreams."

"How do rhinos like their eggs? Poached."

"Mating call of a blonde... ""Hee hee, I think I'm a little drunk!"""

"TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first."

"Do you know the difference between a cheeseburger and a blowjob? Come on. Lets go to lunch. My treat."

"He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry"